I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Randomize
