Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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