I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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