you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
