Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
