i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I can't trust your balls anymore.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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