So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
