I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
