Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
