I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
