i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
