I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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