Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
