If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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