I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
