She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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