I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
