you would pick up someone in the library
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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