She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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