I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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