he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
