also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
