ya dads aren't the best wingmen
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
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