I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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