Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
