They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
