he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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