Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
