I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
