It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Randomize
