We're facebook friends in real life
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
