if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
My hand turned me down
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
