I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
where are you?
Hypothermia
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
