honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Edward fifth and chaser hands
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Randomize
