I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
