Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
She's not a foreskin expert like you
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
