Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
