i just google imaged poop.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
