this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
