So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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