Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Drunk walkin through police station. America
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
