Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
