meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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