You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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