If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
they're like a gay fantastic four
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
