Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
