Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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