I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
