Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
