we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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